


Tide Change

by Anon581



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:54:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26390740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon581/pseuds/Anon581
Summary: The missing goodbye between Charlotte and Georgiana.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Georgiana Lambe
Comments: 25
Kudos: 17





	Tide Change

**Author's Note:**

> I've been hesitating to post this because I haven't really had time to properly edit and also because as I was writing it I realized it's not the one shot I had originally imagined but the first chapter for an epically long story. And dear readers, with 7yo in fully virtual school, 4yo's school straight up cancelled for the year and 2yo juggling knives on a yoga ball, I just don't have time to write an epic story.
> 
> So...I guess you can just call me ITV...

Charlotte and Georgiana sat on Georgiana’s bed making small talk about the day, Charlotte’s packing progress, her travel plans for her return home tomorrow. The conversation was stilted and superficial and soon floundered leaving them silent. Charlotte sat on the edge of the bed, her face pointed away from Georgiana towards the sea. She was trying to hold it together but Georgiana could see the irregular rise and fall of her shoulders from behind and she knew Charlotte was fighting back tears. Gently, she reached out and squeezed Charlotte’s hand and Charlotte allowed herself to collapse back into Georgiana’s lap. She exhaled a shuddering sigh as a tear rolled down.

The Babington wedding had only been a couple days ago and Georgiana had seen the interaction between Sidney and Charlotte from a distance. As soon as she saw Eliza slithering towards them Georgiana excused herself and headed towards the awkward triangle, hoping to guard Charlotte, but it was all over before she arrived. Eliza gave that smug smile and turned on her heel leading Sidney away, leaving Charlotte behind, gutted.

"Would you like to take a turn around the garden? Let's step away." Georgiana had offered.

"There's no need. I…”

“Charlotte, I saw what transpired. Come, let’s take a moment.” Georgiana pressed gently under her breath.

“No, no. Let us join Mary and Arthur.” Charlotte answered with a tight smile, knowing that if she allowed herself to break, to acknowledge her pain, she might not be able to regain her composure. And so that had been it. They celebrated the Babintons and then traveled back to Sanditon together, sitting across from Tom and Mary in the Parkers' coach. Georgiana had entwined her pinky finger with Charlotte's, subtle support when words could not be spoken. Now it was almost a relief to finally see Charlotte let herself fall, to lose decorum and simply let her emotions take over.

Georgiana let her hands smooth Charlotte's hair and travel down to her shoulders. She squeezed them and tilted Charlotte's chin up so she was looking at her. She bent forward and kissed her forehead silently, giving her the peace to speak or not speak as she chose.

"I know you warned me against it but I loved him G. I think I really loved him very much." Charlotte admitted after a long pause, her tears coming regularly, falling straight down into her hair.

Georgiana took her time, silently raking soothing fingers through Charlotte's hair, mirroring the same love and care Charlotte had shown for her when Georgiana's world had unraveled only a matter of weeks ago. As Charlotte’s tears slowed and breathing regulated Georgiana spoke. "It's been a summer of dreadfully unsuccessful romance for us. Two souls could hardly be less lucky."

Charlotte wiped her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. “But what of Otis? I thought you had been so heartened to receive word from him.”

Georgiana sighed. “Indeed, it gave me a thrill of hope but as time goes on and I sit with his words I just…” She faded off. The warmth of being loved had gone cold with distance, with time to reflect on all that had transpired. The reality of their relationship, however earnest Otis may have been, was that his moral failings had put her at an unforgivable risk. Truthfully, she didn't see herself ever feeling fully at ease with him again. “The problem Charlotte, is that we have fallen in love with weak men.”

“Oh, I don’t believe Sidney is weak.” Charlotte said slowly. She inhaled as if to continue speaking but let it settle as breath rather than speech. In truth, the other day Sidney had indeed seemed incredibly weak, standing next to Mrs Campion, silent, without opinion, completely devoid of confidence. While she understood that it took a certain restraint to be resigned to his decision, she could hardly argue for his strength right now.

Georgiana noticed her thoughtful look and generously did not press the issue. “Perhaps not entirely weak, but they are certainly not as strong as we are.” She said and Charlotte gave a half hearted smile. “It’s true Charlotte and you know it." Georgiana said seriously. 

“Sometimes...sometimes I feel so incredibly foolish about all of it. I love him Georgiana but really, what do I know of him? You and I sit here and talk and I feel that I can share anything with you. I feel free to speak. With Sidney, there was always so much tension, implied meaning rather than outright discussion. I was ready to agree to marry him and yet we really knew so little of each other. We barely had casual conversations over the last couple months. Instead it seemed that most of our acquaintance revolved around arguments about you.”

Georgiana chuckled. “Turns out I was a regular cupid in my wild behavior.”

“I wonder if it always would have been like that or if once we were,” Charlotte paused to edit her sentence halfway through, unable to acknowledge the thought of matrimony with him, “if maybe we would have developed a comfort together or if there would always be some sense of formality, distance.”

“It seems most marriages, even matches made out of love, have a sense of formality, a divide between the sexes. Although, as you well know, I’m certainly not one to muse on Sidney as a marriage prospect.” Georgiana said with a roll of her eyes and Charlotte released a brief, watery laugh. 

Charlotte fell silent as Georgiana continued to gently comb through her hair. She softly traced Charlotte’s hairline, the curve of her ears. Charlotte focused on the pleasure of radiating from Georgiana’s touch and smiled up at her appreciatively. “Perhaps nothing can truly beat the connection between two true friends.”

“Yes, that’s right. Just marry me Charlotte and we won't have half the worries we would have with men.” Georgiana said wryly, watching as a lock of hair slowly uncurled as she pulled her finger through it.

“But what if we did?” Charlotte asked, a rogue smile growing.

Georgiana’s hand and heart stilled. “You clearly cannot be serious.” She answered. She did not for a moment believe that Charlotte was insinuating a romantic relationship, but in truth, Georgiana had experienced such a relationship with a female friend back in Antigua. They had been young. It had started innocently, progressed naturally around the time they were fifteen and continued to grow in strength and fervor until Lydia married at seventeen. Their friendship had been deep but the more illicit side of their relationship had been expressed by both of them as simply experimenting, learning together. Lydia had been excited to get married, to run her own household. There was no tragic goodbye or rift in the friendship, simply a shift. And perhaps that shift meant more to both of them than they dared to speak but it resulted in only a strange ache rather than acute heartbreak. 

“Well surely not married, but G, what if we chose together not to marry? What’s the point of waiting to marry for love if even that is not strong enough to bring happiness? Perhaps we could be spinsters together.” Charlotte said and then as Georgiana did not answer after a few moments, she self-consciously waved off her own thoughts, “It’s just foolish imagining.” 

Georgiana pursed her lips and with a slight nudge encouraged Charlotte to turn her head to the side in her lap, giving her access to the back of Charlotte’s head. She placed her fingers at the base of her head and pulled them up to the crown repeatedly. The first gentle tickle on her scalp sent a small shudder through Charlotte and she closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. Several minutes went by before Georgiana spoke again.

“You know, with my inheritance we could choose not to marry. I could provide for us both and we could simply live the lives we want rather than what is expected of us.”

Charlotte’s eyes were still closed, a small smile lingered on her face from Georgiana’s caresses. “See? It is a lovely dream, isn’t it?”

“Charlotte, I’m not speaking of dreams. I'm serious.”

Charlotte opened her eyes. Her face was almost comical as she worked through what Georgiana was suggesting. “But G, you couldn’t really. I couldn’t. Why, by the time you have access to your money I’ll surely have to have married for my family’s sake anyway.”

“We won’t wait for the money, we’ll do it now. You are unhappy, I’m unhappy. Let’s make our own happiness.” Georgiana answered matter of factly.

Charlotte pulled herself up out of Georgiana’s lap and blinked. “I don’t know how...Sidney would never allow it…”

“Oh for goodness sake! Charlotte, we can easily make him put the money in my name.”

Charlotte shook her head quickly in confusion. “I really don’t know how you think that would be possible.”

“Charlotte, he made his intentions known to you. Even after the fact, after he was engaged to Mrs Campion, he referenced his desire to have proposed to you instead. The impropriety, the scandal of that is clear. And certainly Mrs Campion will want absolutely nothing to do with me or the guardianship once they are married. We can force his hand on this. It is something that, in the end, will certainly make his life easier as well.”

“G, I don’t know, I-”

Georgiana took Charlotte’s hands. “Charlotte, imagine, we’ll sail to Antigua, leave all of this behind us and start new. We’ll have all the money we could ever dream of. We’ll build a massive home on the shore overlooking the ocean and it will be all ours. Only ours! Oh and Charlotte, you think Sanditon is beautiful! Wait until you see Antigua! It’s so very lush and green and the water, my God, none of this dark, dreary sea. It’s the most bold, clear turquoise blue you’ve ever seen. The sand on the beach is so fine and soft, nothing like the rocky sands here.” Georgiana’s face brightened as she went on, her excitement apparent. She pulled Charlotte’s hand into her lap and looked up at her, her eyes suddenly wide and earnest. “Charlotte. I am so very, very serious. Let us make a life together, you and I.” 

Charlotte was clearly overwhelmed. She had always been known for being outspoken, for striving for what she wanted rather than what was expected, but this was a whole world that was now being offered, a world far beyond what she could have imagined back home in Willingden. She stood up and paced the room. She opened her mouth and then closed it a couple times, not sure how to answer Georgiana's sudden enthusiasm.

Georgiana saw her indecision and pressed on. "And before we go to Antigua we could travel the continent a bit, see France, Italy, Greece. Can you imagine Charlotte? We'll hire someone to travel with us obviously for safety and appearances but we could be in charge. We could make all of the decisions for ourselves."

There was nothing here for Charlotte. Sanditon and Sidney had opened her eyes, had offered her what she didn't even know she wanted, but then had snatched it back, leaving her empty. Going home to Willingden would mean eventually marrying just another local farmer. And then her life would simply continue on as it always had. There would be no more options for adventure and exploration, simply babies and paying bills. This was an opportunity to really live, rather than exist. 

"Honestly, it sounds a little frightening. I'm overwhelmed by the thought of it but at the same time, it sounds marvelous. Imagine being the masters of our own destinies."

"Yes! Very few women have the wealth to make this a viable option but we do Charlotte. Why wouldn't we take advantage of it?" 

"Well, you have the wealth." Charlotte corrected her gently.

"It will be yours as well. What need do I have for such wealth? I'd much rather share it with someone I love." Georgiana was completely swept up in the idea. It had taken root and she was not about to let it go. This was her freedom, her future at stake as well and carrying it out with a partner, with Charlotte, would certainly make it easier than making her way on her own.

She could see Charlotte thinking. It was one of her most endearing characteristics, you could read her expressions as clearly as one of her beloved books. She gazed out the window and then her eyebrows knitted together briefly. She shook away whatever offending thought had crossed her mind though and her face began to clear as a smile slowly grew. "Yes. Yes, let's do it." She said with quiet conviction.

Georgina hopped up and down, giddy with excitement. "Truly?"

"Yes! Yes!"

The girls clasped hands and jumped up and down together. They began to squeal in excitement but quickly tempered themselves, not wanting to invite Mrs Griffiths into their celebration. They stood, holding hands, smiling widely at one another, at the momentous decision they had just made, their hearts beating rapidly. And then Georgiana leaned forward and kissed Charlotte.

The friends had shared many kisses over the course of the summer but Charlotte knew at once that this was different. Having no other point of reference, her mind immediately went to Sidney. This kiss had the same sense of nervous energy, sensuality, purpose and yet it was also so different. Georgiana’s lips were sweet and soft and the similarity in their heights made it comfortable, easy to lose herself simply in the lovely act of kissing, rather than the logistics of proportions. But it also felt wrong. Certainly not in the least because Georgiana was a woman but also because she felt her heart still stubbornly belonged to Sidney. She pulled back, her eyes wide and startled, resting on Georgiana’s face for a brief moment before turning away.

“Forgive me. Don’t think ill of me Charlotte. I…” Georgiana trailed off. She didn’t know what she wanted to say. It had simply happened in the moment, a shared celebration, getting swept up in her excitement for their future. She didn’t want to take anything back but she also had no declaration of love or grand intention to add. It had simply been a kiss. 

“No, no, of course.” Charlotte said absentmindedly, looking away. “But it is getting late. I should really be getting back now.” She picked her hat up from the bed and tied it on, smiling smally at Georgiana. She nodded awkwardly and then walked to the door. On opening it she hesitated and looked back. Georgiana stood there, frozen in place, wondering if everything they had discussed had simply been a flight of fancy or if they would actually pursue this. She worried that the kiss had ruined it all, spoiled their resolve. But then, in a moment, Charlotte had strode back across the room to her and cupping Georgiana’s face in her hands she kissed her softly, tenderly. Time stood still as the kiss ended and the girls stood, nose to nose, quietly breathing each other in, absorbing the feeling of each other’s closeness so they could both independently recall it, take the time to discern its meaning later. Charlotte gently rubbed her nose against Georgiana’s.

“I’ll write to you.” She whispered and then she was gone.


End file.
